Today has been a weird day! I have been in a weird mood, then I though wel my 10 miler today will make it all better… um no that was wrong…. I broke down at 3.5 in tears… why well my pace was slow, there were a million couples out, and I was being an infant. Lately, I have been more affected than usual by the single state….It’s ridiculous because really…. well it just is.. but I just need something else… which is why I guess I’m blogging but still. Blegh
Not only this however tonight I’m having pizza… and 10 miles is a legit enough workout to merit pizza… 3.5… is not. Do I have eating issues? Well yea I guess I do… but not like in a bad way I am just really careful about what I eat, because I have a constant struggle with my weight. Ok I have never weighed more than 130… and that was when I was 16… but still I am very sensitive about how I look and the way clothes fit and feel… I hate this because it means that when I am having a “fat” day I get so upset about it, and when I don’t always see the results of my healthy eating and hard work outs I get frustrated…. I guess I put too much on emphasis on the outside..
Why am I telling you this? Because I guess I just wanted to reach out? I can kind of be myself on this in a way that is easier for me than talking about it to others. I really want to love myself… because for the most part, I love my personality… I am bubbly and slightly ridiculous with my random musical/dance intervals and relative outgoingness, but I can be terribly obstinate, I usually keep my stuff to myself or try to, and I am awful at hiding when I don’t like people! I am also learning how to relinquish control of situations, and just go with the flow more.. I guess all the moves have made me crave structure… blegh I hate being uptight!
Also I want my readers… however many of you there are to know that I appreciate them! Even if you don;t comment (though I wish you would) I love knowing someone cares about what I have to say! Also appreciate yourself and what you have to offer! Because you are special and you are beautiful no matter what.. I am slowly learning how to do this… and you should too!
Peace, Love, and be Sperry